There was a time not so long ago (okay it was actually 15 years ago) when I had sworn off television entirely. While I was raking in preposterous sums of money on Young Life staff, I went without TV for nearly 4 years, seeking much grander forms of entertainment such as eating regularly. Since being married, Amy and I have gone back and forth with the TV question and have recently come around to wanting TV again. We don’t watch a ton.. mainly, we reserve our consumption to shows like LOST, The Daily Show/Colbert Report, So You Think You Can Dance, a few cooking shows and, of course, Nancy Grace.. er.. um..
With the many services available to us, we climbed back on the horse we’d ridden most recently by returning to the service I will henceforth refer to as the “Beamed From Space” television service. Because we had previously had the “Beamed From Space” (BFS) television service which mean a much speedier return to the land of the over-advertised. But the ease of returning to BFS meant another engagement with the world of Customer Service
And if you’ve followed this blog for any length of time, you know what that means… that’s right. Another installment of “Adventures in Customer Service.”
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Beamed From Space Television Services Customer Support Representative: Thank you for choosing “Beamed From Space.” Because you are returning to our service we are offering a special package.
Me: Interesting. Tell me about that.
BFSTSCSR: We’re offering, on top of the channels listed in your third rate, low-level, not-as-good package these other channels that are for people more serious about television.
Me: Um.. Well, I don’t really watch much more than a few things..
BFSTSCSR: You’re totally gonna want these ones.
Me: What are they?
BFSTSCSR: The “Movies For Romantics” channel, the “Movies For People Who Like Violence” channel, and 75 channels of Department Store Music: all beamed directly from space.
Me: Alright, whatever.
BFSTSCSR: and should you, in 2 months, 3 weeks 1 day, 14 hrs, 17 min and 4 seconds, forget to call to cancel these channels, you will be charged $19.99 per minute until you do. So let’s finish the rest of the…
Me: (cutting her off) wait.. What was that about canceling those channels?
BFSTSCSR: which part?
Me: The part where you are being conniving and sneaky.. That part.
BFSTSCSR: All you have to do is call the 800 number at that precise time, from a rotary phone while facing Mecca, ask for Larry and use the code word I gave you earlier in this conversation to cancel those channels.
Me: You gave me no code word.
BFSTSCSR: Well, sir. It wouldn’t be much of a code word if it were obvious.
Me: I’m not so sure I want to do this anymore.
BFSTSCSR: You’ve already been registered sir. Our agents are currently on their way to your home to install the Space Beam Receiving and Translation Equipment. You do NOT want to anger our agents.
Me: I don’t want to anger anyone but I’m also not going to use your service. Please go ahead and cancel my account.
BFSTSCSR: As you wish, sir. Just be aware that this will result in a rather significant early cancellation fee and may be a risk to the lives of any pets you keep outside at night.
Me: WHA? I just called you 10 minutes ago. I don’t even have service yet. How can there be a cancellation fee?
BFSTSCSR: I assure you, sir, that the signal is currently being beamed directly from space to your home. If you are having difficulty receiving the signal, there must be some kind of equipment malfunction on your end. I will send a team of Space Beam Receiving and Translation Equipment Repair Specialists/Assassins to your location.
(KNOCK KNOCK)
BFSTSCSR: That would most likely be them…
Me: Amy, do NOT answer the door!!
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I lol’d. Where can I find more of these great customer service experiences?
Never mind. You have a search function.
My kids have the day off school today – “teacher in service day” which is some sort of in-the-know jargon for “your tax dollars at work doing SOMEthing.”
So, it feels like a holiday, and it feels like I don’t have to work, although I have a tax appmt in less than 48 hours, and a couple of other deadlines you don’t care much about.
So, in light of my not-so-much-wanting-to-work attitude, I clicked on your “Funny Ha Ha” link. And they are. Funny, as well as linked.
But they’re also a bit dated. Not as in no longer relevant, but as in any comment I leave on one is in this sort of limbo between past and present. Kind of like bell bottom jeans, now that they cycled back in and back out again.
This brings me to a feature that I wish blogs had. I guess it’s kinda like the Facebook Wall. Where one can write something to the blogger, which isn’t necessarily germane to the theme of the blogger’s current entries. A sort of shout-out on a topic of the blog reader’s own choosing.
One could email, but that makes one feel so intrusive. And elevates one’s comment to a status a bit higher than a small note of appreciation regarding some humorous blog entries that one has just read.