Here’s an excerpt from the blog I just posted at Soul-Audio.com:

“At times it can be difficult for me, as an artist, to articulate what I want to see happen with my work. In one way, the ‘result’ or desired effect of my work once it’s left my hands is not really even my responsibility. But if I desired any particular kind of response or reaction it would be something like what a recent visitor to my blog articulated when he wrote…”

Read the whole entry at Soul-Audio.com

After posting Louis CK’s bit about technology and convenience, I got to thinking about what life might be like were things to seriously fall apart.  So, I present to you the Top 10 Things I’d Miss If The World Reverted To No-Tech

1.  COFFEE MAKER
“Seriously, bro?  That’s the first thing on your list?  You’re totally addicted to caffeine.”  Yes, bro.. Seriously.  And I don’t think i’d call it an addiction.. I’d rather think of it as a relationship.  You just don’t understand what we have, coffee and I.. You just DON’T get it and you never could.. JUST LET US BE!!  Now, I don’t even have one of those fancy coffee makers that grind beans for you and then takes the dog out to pee so I’ll have to add…

2. COFFEE BEAN GRINDER

3. MYSPACE…
Just kidding.

3.  INSTANT MESSENGER
To say “the internet” would be far too general.. But this is one function of the web that I really love.  After years of being on the road, most of my great friendships are elsewhere in the US; IM has been a trusty way to keep connected.

4.  MINI SPACE HEATERS
For a few years, I lived in the basement of a house built on a hill.  My roommate and I had no running water and no heat.  We spent about $40 on a Toastmaster space heater which we later dubbed “the little buddy” for the kind and generous way he kept us warm night after night.

5.  THE DAILY SHOW
Along with Kurt Vonnegut and Friedrich Buechner, Jon Stewart’s jocular and light-hearted handling of humanity’s foibles gives me a sense of normality I do not know what I’d do without.

6.  BASEBALL ON THE RADIO
I’d rather listen to a ballgame than watch on on TV any day.  It’s almost as good as being at the ballpark.  Then again, I can just recreate the magic of being at the park by listening to the game outside with headphones and spilling a beer on myself.

7.  INVISIBILITY CLOAK
I don’t even care if I ever get to use this… Just the thought that it (sorta) EXISTS!! I mean are you KIDDING ME? How cool is that?

8.  THE GEORGE FOREMAN GRILL
Just kidding.. But on that note..

8. CHEESEBURGER (W/BLUE CHEESE)
..Delectable.. Sure, these could be put together over an open flame under the big sky of open country… But I like the way Chili’s does it.

9.  SHAQUILLE O’NEIL’S TWEETS
If you use Twitter, you need Shaq.  Actually, You probably need Shaq no matter what.  He’s 7’1”, 310lb and has a self-deprecating sense of humor that gets funnier the more you know him.

10. MICROSOFT SONGSMITH
No explanation needed.

This is part of why I love observational comedy.  In the middle of laughing my face off, I am struck by the profundity of the comedian’s thinking.  This is one of the best routine’s I’ve heard since early Carlin.

Amy and I had dinner last night with some friends who’ve spent nearly a decade and a half serving military families throughout in western Europe as well as here in the US with MCYM.  They are currently at Ft. Lewis in WA which hosts nearly 30,000 soldiers.  We’ve not spent altogether that much time with these folks in the grand scheme of things.  Nonetheless, have forged a deep bond nonetheless.  In fact, as we caught up on news about the other folks we knew through the organization they work for, we reflected at the depth each relationship had reached in such a short span of time.

“It’s this way around the military,” our friends explained; “when you find someone you click with, you don’t mess around.”  The intentionality of relationships in military settings is framed by an urgency that cuts through some of the fluff that defines a lot of “casual” friendship.  As only one example of why this is, some 15,000 troops will be deployed from Ft. Lewis to either Afghanistan or Iraq over the next year and a half.  For folks like our friends, the possibility of “a death in the family” is a daily reality.  In fact, a few years ago, after I returned from a trip to Germany where I partnered with these same folks, I received an email from a 16 year old kid whose father had lost both his legs and was returning home.  He was thanking me for my visit.  MCYM staff are constantly in positions to care for kids like in these situations and their families; a unique and sacred privilege.  The time one might spend with such a kid has to count.

In a similar way, I’ve visited Ft. Jackson in South Carolina each year for the past six years.  Ft. Jackson trains more soldiers than any other installation in the United States.  At any given moment, 40,000+ soldiers are being trained to serve in the Army.  With each passing year, my visits have grown more sacred, due in part to the knowledge that some of the 4200 US casualties in Iraq or the nearly 700 in Afghanistan are young  men and women I’d met and performed for.  The songs and stories I shared with them need to have mattered.. Wasting words on self-promotion or other nonsense was not an option.

These people and the opportunities I have had to share in their work has helped to reshape the sense of urgency with which I go about my daily work.  Not that the particulars are identical but the realities of life and death are.  About every six seconds a child dies of hunger; meaning that in the time it took me to write this several hundreds of  children died, adding up to nearly 30,000 by the end of the day (7 times the total number of US deaths in Iraq since 2003.  Urgency. With each senseless and unnecessary death, I believe we become less and less human. Urgency.

They have also helped to reshape the depth of my friendships.  Not that every conversation with every friend is about some heavy topic or another (hunger, war, LOST) but that I would treat each friendship I am blessed with the sense of sacred thankfulness it deserves.

This Sunday, thousands upon thousands of the sports illiterate and “sportarded” will find themselves in one of life’s most dire situations; to be at a Superbowl party hosted at your own house.  So, to the confused, the frustrated, the bored and those who couldn’t tell a fieldgoal from a field mouse, I present to you the “10 Things For Non-Football Fans To Do During The Superbowl Party At Your House.”

1.  Wear a Manchester United jersey and explain that foot+ball=soccer
2.  Intermittently read sections of “Twilight” aloud from the kitchen.
3.  See if you can ask every person in the room (individually and secretly) “Who’s winning?”
4.  Game idea: Every time the color analyst uses a word out of context, look that word up and read the actual definition aloud from the kitchen.
5.  Every time Arizona quarterback Kurt Warner does anything positive, remind the room that it’s because he’s a Christian.
6.  Every time the same Kurt Warner does anything negative, remind the room that God doesn’t care about football.
7. Game Idea: Keep a running tally of the number of times one of your friends watching the game says “C’MON!!”  At the end of the night award the person who uses the phrase most by taking a picture of him sadly slumped in a chair (chances are his team lost) and posting it online with the caption “C’MON!!”
8.  Every once in a while, when nobody is paying attention, rearrange the beverage cups on the table.
9.  Constantly insist that this is not the best HD image you’ve ever seen
10.  Twitter

In a followup to my experience with AT&T’s automated help desk, recently had to work out some issues with my VoIP line.  Vonage’s automated desk rather quickly directed me to one of their highly skilled Customer Service personnel, and was glad to have a real person on the line.. until…

Telcom Customer Service (VCS): Thank you for calling Vonage Customer Service.  How can I help you?

Me (JM): Well, I can’t get a dial tone on my Vonage line.

TCS: Is your phone connected to the Vonage device?

JM: Yes.

TCS: is the Vonage device on?

JM: … Well,.. Yes, of course.

TCS: I only ask because you sound kinda dumb.

JM: Um…

TCS: Are you currently using the Vonage line to call Customer Service?

JM: No.. I’m calling on my cell phone because the Vonage line doesn’t work.

TCS: One phone isn’t enough for you?

JM: I don’t think that’s the point.

TCS: Have you tried re-booting the Vonage device?

JM: You mean kicking it again?

TCS: No, I mean powering it down and then back up again.

JM:  I’ll try that right now.. (*setting phone down)

TCS: You probably should have tried that before you called to bug me.

JM: I’m sorry, I didn’t catch that, I was restarting the device… Was it important?

TCS: Not really.  Is the device restarted?

JM: Yes

TCS: What are the lights on the device doing?

JM: They’re kinda blinking off and on.. then they’ll just turn off and then turn back on for a few seconds then they’ll start blinking again.

TCS: The word you are looking for is “intermittently.”

JM: Is it on the original packaging? I don’t have that anymore

TCS: No, Mr. Roberts; the LED activity you described is known as “intermittent blinking.”

JM: It’s “McRoberts,” actually..

TCS: Thanks, Mick, but I’m required to call you by your last name  I’ll have to connect you with Tech Support.

JM: Oh. Okay, thanks.

TCS: Please listen to Katy Perry and the Jonas Brothers while you wait…

JM: argh

—————————————————————————–

FOUR DAYS, TWENTY HOURS AND 13 MINUTES LATER
—————————————————————————–

Tech Support (TS): In light of your problem have you tried to Ваш голос змушує мене вірити, що ви нерозумних і дуже коротким?

JM: …

VTS: (huffing and clearly upset) Have you even attempted to ja Jums nav saprast, jūs nevar neko!?

JM: … (blink)…

VTS: Most clients with these issues tend to Bạn gọi cho tôi. Perhpas you should Không chỉ có ngồi trong im lặng. Or even Tôi có thể chơi “Call of Duty” ngay bây giờ thay vì with the latest version of nghe bạn không biết cách sử and update your dụng những thứ bạn mua.

JM:  This seems.. like.. a bad time to call.

VTS: जितना भी?… (click)

—–

Note: I love using Vonage for my business line… Hear that Vonage?  Even if I feel like a 12 year old after being on the phone with your Customer Service reps, I like your product.