But being a parent for all of 11 months now I’ve quit on comparisons; none suffice.  Sitting on the floor watching my son learn to shape words and use his fingers is like nothing else.  It is, in fact, the kind of experience I refer other things to in order to clarify them.**

But that thought got me thinking about those ‘other’ experiences of life and the strong possibility that I cheapen my days by comparing them to other days; just like I cheapen my relationships by comparing them to other relationships.

Sitting on the floor with my son is a particular moment. It is a true moment because, in the absence of comparison or evaluation, that moment can simply be.  I don’t judge it or examine it or attempt to “learn from it.” I can only receive it.. as I would a gift. After all, it is a gift, isn’t it?

I’d like to learn to receive the whole of my life the way I’m receiving fatherhood.  To see a friendship as that friendship instead of one among a “network” of relationships.  To fully be present in whatever city I am in rather than to be “on tour.”

Perhaps this is what the Psalmist had in mind when writing..

“This is the day the LORD has made,
We will rejoice and be glad in it.”

**Some will undoubtedly say that my experience as a father is informed by my Heavenly Father’s relationship to me (or to us, as it were).  I’m finding quite the opposite to be true. The concept of “God as Father” is taking shape in light of my fatherhood.

I recently took part in a panel discussion entitled “Conversations With My Inner Atheist.”  The stated purpose of the discussion was to “normalize the faith struggle,” During the conversation, a few ideas shone through.  One of them was the idea of “chutzpah.”  The other was the idea that certainty is not the aim of faith…

Certainty is not the aim of faith. The life of faith is always a life of trust and risk.  Increasingly so. Faith moves us past our fear into active relationship with God, one another and with the world.

In contrast, the pursuit of certainty can be immobilizing. Can you be certain that your partner or spouse will be faithful to you? No. You can take their word for it and believe that their character is stalwart… but you may be wrong (as many among us know, painfully).  If I wait to be certain of someone’s character before entering into relationship with them, I will never enter in.  At some point, I trust what I have come to know and step, in faith, into the relationship regardless but aware of the areas I cannot be certain of.

Can I be certain that the medication I’m receiving will help and not hurt me? No. But I take it trusting what I have come to know about medicine and my Doctor.

Can I be certain that if I fall backwards off this bench, these kids will catch me? No. But I do it anyway. (<— you should really take 15 seconds to watch that)

Can I be certain that the words I’ve shared in confidence will remain a secret between that friend and I? No, but I can choose to believe my friend’s word that they will keep it.

Can I be certain that my job will pay enough to cover whatever expenses might come up? No.

Can I be certain that when I need it, my community will catch me

…that my wife and I will have a healthy child? …or that I’ll be around long enough to raise her/him?

No.

There is nothing certain.

Nothing.

All is faith.

And so the Christian call to faith is less of an absurdity that it seems at first.  Especially since at it’s core it is a call to trust and believe that the end of things is good; that if it is not good, then it is not the end; that God desires justice and health and wholeness.. .and that the darkness will not prevail.  And the belief that good wins helps us move through fear into active relationship with God, one another and with our world.

Certainty is not the aim of faith. A life well-lived.. a live lived at all, is the aim of faith.

**Abusive childhoods leading to questions of God’s sincerity…
**A knowledge of global injustice leading to questions of God’s ‘goodness’…

**Confusion regarding God’s violent character and rhetoric in the Old Testament…

**Difficulty drawing ‘in vs out’ lines between heterosexual and homosexual friends…

The idea was not so much to assuage the doubts associated with these questions but provide whatever sense of normalization might come from hearing older, wiser and fully-engaged christian men and women airing their grievances with God and struggles with faith.

Three ideas came to the forefront during our discussion.  The first I’ll make brief comments about now while the other two I’ll tinker with in posts over the next week or so.

First, while the pastoral impulse in me was (and generally is) to fix and heal whatever wounds of history, spirit and mind were aired during the session, there was something close to magical in the simple act of sharing our humanity for a while.  As one of the panel participants put it, “these two words can take you a long way in life and in ministry:

‘Me, too.’ ” .. shared humanity

As I thought of the many scenarios in my history that have led to serious questions about the reality or goodness of God and of Life, I remembered that ‘answers’ never did my soul much good.. Instead it was the presence of others who had shared or were currently sharing my grief or my struggle that saved me.

A further step in this thought process led me to the very Story we hold in question when our certainty wanes. It is, oddly enough, a story in which Jesus himself has reservations about “The Plan.” (http://bible.cc/matthew/26-39.htm)  It is a story in which the pivotal moment is when God, the One who sets the very stage where all our comedies and tragedies take place, says two words that go a very long way in life and in ministry…

“‘Me, too.” … shared humanity.

Over the next week or so, I’ll be posting thoughts about the other two ‘ideas’ that shone during our discussion. Namely..

…that “chutzpa” is a necessary and responsible religious posture. Chutzpa, in the religious sense, means having the guts to face God and say “I disagree.”

And lastly, that certainty is not the aim of faith. That, in fact, making certainty a goal in any area of life can be, and often is a recipe for existential paralysis.

(A few weeks ago, I taught on King David and particularly the way his identity defined his life’s work. This is a reflection from that teaching.  Below is a short audio excerpt from the sermon)

I sincerely believe God makes promises.  Those promises can be awfully confusing in light of our circumstances.

Just before the prophet Samuel anointed David King of Israel he had installed Saul as King of Israel. What this meant for David was that he had to wait. Having been given this promise of identity, David then had to live for a time under circumstances that did not at all reflect that promise. In fact, during that time of waiting David has to serve and obey the man who “stood in the way” of his promised destiny.

Maybe you were promised something. Or maybe there is something you have always known about yourself but your life’s circumstances have dictated something different.  Do you trust the things you were promised or do your circumstances dictate your understanding of yourself?

I’m not referring to the the scenario in which someone of my build laments his “shoulda-been” days as an NFL linebacker.  This can obviously be abused and misunderstood…

…but after a series of failed relationships, should you buy the idea that you’ll always have to settle for a man whose love and consideration are fleeting at best?

…or after years of toiling away at jobs that suck the life out of you, should you buy the idea that you’ll never have fulfilling work doing something you’re good at; work that adds beauty to the world?

…and then there is this general “promise” many of us have some strange inkling of that some “good” is to come of all this.

I sincerely believe God makes promises. Some of them are quite personal and some are general.  I want those promises to shape my hopes and expectations for my life and the lives of those I love rather than bow to the circumstances I often find myself in which say “those good things cannot be.”

Waiting On A Promise (2min Sermon Clip)

v1
It’s not about the drinking
It’s all about the being drunk
Like it’s not with whom you’re sleeping
It’s with whom you wake up

pre-chorus
It’s not about the wars you fight
it’s whether or not you win
Not so  much about being right
As not letting all the wrong ones in

Chorus
See, we all want that resurrection
But we don’t want to die
We all want that sweet salvation
WIthout the bitterness of sacrifice

v2
It’s not about forgiveness
It’s about making sure they know
You’re the one they’ve injured
You’re just too strong to let it show

v3
It’s not about believing
It’s about making it look good
So that when you lose your reason
You just keep doing what you should.

(**if you missed the FEJMILRS, there are rumors [and they are only rumors] that there will be further broadcasts.)

How does a FEJMILRS work? It works in 3 easy steps…

1. SUBMIT: your questions and requests over Twitter before Friday, Aug 13. The top 10 questions will be answered in no specific order.

2. WATCH: live via Twitcam Wednesday night August 18 6pm PST. The stream will be accessible through Justin’s Twitter page. Or watch the session when it re-airs on FOX this Fall.**

3. RECEIVE: If your question is answered during the session, you will receive a $2-Off coupon for any digital album at the McStore.  Keep posted at Twitter or Facebook for further details.

(**FOX airing pending FEJMILRS being picked up by a production company and inking a contract with FOX… so.. you should probably just watch it on Wed, Aug 18.)

That is, I suppose, the thing I have come to believe is at the heart of America’s strength as a Nation. As the philosopher Bernard Henri-Levi notes, America…

“…never was  and never will be founded on the continuity of a race,..  the solidity of a soil, or on an intrinsic autochthony or even a shared history.. “

Instead, we are a nation…

“… forged by people of diverse origins who had nothing in common but this sharing …of a desire and an Idea.”

We are a people whose roots are tangled up in the Idea that a diversity of thought strengthens us just a diversity of culture enriches us.

If your celebration of America is peppered with the notion that certain opinions, certain philosophies and certain people must be silenced or defeated (or deported) in order to enjoy your America, your celebration is… well, unAmerican. It is a vast, complex and truly great conversation we have entered into and entertained for over 230 years; it’s energy is provided by the tension between cultures, opinions, theories and world-views. No, we do not always carry the conversation well; but we are exactly at our worst when we  react poorly; when we receive the differing political, religious and philosophical thoughts of another as ONLY a threat to our way of life and not, at least in some way, an enrichment of a diverse, growing and still young nation.

Don’t get me wrong: I am no dualist. I believe in one, uniform, whole, encompassing Truth which pervades and permeates all life, space and time… I just don’t think we arrive at anything resembling that Truth by silencing, much less insulting the “other guy.”  I believe, in fact, that discovering that Truth or coming to an understanding of what is good for a people happens best in the context of a sincere and spirited conversation; one with the foundation of “a decent respect.”

Happy 4th of July.

Up to now, what I have known of fatherhood I have only known as a son; a son who lost his father at that. May 2010 represents the end of that era and the beginning one in which I have the privilege of being a father. So, I’m releasing a special collection of songs through Noisetrade (see the widget below). I’ve re-arranged four songs from the album “Father”, which I wrote about my dad and the experience of losing him.  

Recorded mostly at my home, the collection is entitled “Father Revisited” and it will be available for  limited time as a way to celebrate this new era and the passing of the last. As a bonus, if you use the Twitter feature to tell your friends about the project, we’ll send you a coupon code good for $3 off my covers project, Through Songs I Was First Undone.

Thanks for your support over the years, I hope you enjoy this special project.

We fast and say “I know you suffer and in whatever way I can, I will bear your suffering with you” … and the world says that you live on the other side of the planet and what happens to you doesn’t matter to me but I am going to choose to say that what happens in your life affects me.”

Here’s an excerpt from the blog I just posted at Soul-Audio.com:

“At times it can be difficult for me, as an artist, to articulate what I want to see happen with my work. In one way, the ‘result’ or desired effect of my work once it’s left my hands is not really even my responsibility. But if I desired any particular kind of response or reaction it would be something like what a recent visitor to my blog articulated when he wrote…”

Read the whole entry at Soul-Audio.com