Driving home from the studio last night I noted that there is a new billboard on the side of the freeway, advertising Islam.  The design was overall boring but got the point across: “Islam” it read “the message of Mohammed, Abraham and Jesus” or something along those lines.  After glancing at it I thought someone should make a pair of phone calls.  The first call should probably go to Jesus cuz I’m pretty sure He’d want to know he was a Muslim or at least a supporter.  The second phone call could come from any slew of Christian congregations or organizations and ought to be placed to the Muslim group who erected the sign.  The Christians should let the Muslims know that we’ve tried this kind of thing before with rather poor results.

I mean, advertising religion with a billboard will likely attract a certain kind of person to your religion, much as shouting from the sunroof of ones car at the opposite sex will attract a certain kind of date (I’d suggest that, in the latter case, it’d likely not be the kind of person you’d want to spend the rest of your life with… though that might not be what you’re after) So, in either case, perhaps it all depends on the kind of audience or clientele or follower you’re after..

Then again,..

part of what I’d like the Christian advertisers to tell the Muslim advertisers is that the seats of our churches are often filled with the butts of folks who responded to our advertising but, unfortunately, could never move past it.  People who saw the ads, intentional and subliminal, for a faith that was comfortable and safe, driven by God’s deep, deep like of us and His faithful commitment to preserve our way of life and have been reeling ever since at the divergence between the sales pitch and the Person of Jesus they run into periodically at these meetings. And now we can’t seem to get the most of them to help so much as stack chairs after our services, much less commit to a life of service reflective of the life we were hoping to see grow in them once we’d suckered them in.

We’re trying to re-work our communication to avoid such things in the future and it’s proving to be a rather difficult process. As it turns out, the reality of the thing we’re advertising is what is known as a “crappy product.”  It seldom seems to work the way we tell folks it’s going to and generally ends up costing quite a bit more than most folks are normally willing to pay.  If we were being honest, our billboards would read something like:

“Join us on Sunday (plus every other day besides) and prepare to give your time/energy/money/life to people you don’t understand for the sake of a God you can’t really grasp very well either.”

See? That’s just not gonna bring the masses… but.. maybe the masses aren’t what we’re looking to gather after all?

I’m learning about the art of advertising. After my original post on the topic, my ears and eyes have been more keenly tuned to this creative ‘form of expression.’  For example, this gem…

Because if she is the Certified Solar Installer (CSI..?.. really?) then the chances of a few guys discovering a new and urgent interest in solar energy have greatly improved.  And that’s advertising…  because we all know she isn’t a Certified Solar Installer; she’s far to busy searching for you on Facebook to do anything else.

And so my mind takes in this fine example of advertising and begins to process through ways I can and should take advantage of my new knowledge:  How can I draw people to my work using images that have no logical relationship to that work or to me?

And then it hit me:

——

I think I’m catching on.

In all honesty, I used to get all bummed out at the ads I ran into as a navigated the deep, dark interwebular waters.  But I see now that my frustration only blinded me to the poetic and at times brilliant insanity of the advertising world.  Below is only a sampling of the ads that are apparently targeted at me according to my age, tastes and eye-color.

Now, I’m a sports fan for certain which is why this bit of wisdom/advertising showed up on my facebook page:

and really.. who doesn’t agree? It’s never about coming back from 20 points down in the fourth quarter that inspires fans.. it’s the inflatable tunnel.. every. single. time.

Even now, as I think of my favorite sports team, I can only picture them emerging from an inflatable tunnel.. it is the image burned into my memory.

I remember sitting in my office during a particularly chilly winter evening and thinking to myself.. “Self, don’t you just wish you had something soft, luxurious and unique to wear around your neck right now?”

And as we all know, everyone looks good in Alpaca..  EVERYONE.

Need more convicing of this?  Just look deep into my eyes.. and repeat after me “Meka Leka Hi, MekALPACA Ho”

This is one of my favorite recurring ads; the “Who Searched For You” ads.  On my page, these ads normally feature some attractive young woman who, I am rather certain, has not searched for me. Something like this:

Even though, if anyone is searching your name on the internet, the chances are this guy probably did. Either that or it was your parents who are still wondering why you haven’t friended them yet.

I’ve also been challenged regarding my IQ quite often.  Early on, the ads were rather basic, though apparently not designed by folks who scored very high on the test themselves, as evidenced by this ad FAIL:

I may not be smarter than the average Broncos fan.. then again.. I’m smart enought to know what “average” means.

So, after it was clear that I would not be lured in by the crazy math of the IQ testers, they must have decided to see if they could frighten me into taking their quiz by posting these:

Forget the IQ question,.. how about a question of taste: “WHAT THE CRAP?”

I am that guy who, in the middle of a conversation, will pause to correct your grammar.  This is counteracted by the fact that anytime I tweet something grammatically incorrect or misspelled, I get called on it.. nonetheless, this nugget caught my eye and I now bring to you…

.. and also, lest it go uncelebrated, Fewer English.

Targeted ads are one thing, but ad placement is another.  There’s nothing quite as good as seeing an ad placed in just the right location.. somewhere in context.. somewhere on a page where it is relevant to the rest of that page’s content.. and so.. I leave you with this: