In all honesty, I used to get all bummed out at the ads I ran into as a navigated the deep, dark interwebular waters.  But I see now that my frustration only blinded me to the poetic and at times brilliant insanity of the advertising world.  Below is only a sampling of the ads that are apparently targeted at me according to my age, tastes and eye-color.

Now, I’m a sports fan for certain which is why this bit of wisdom/advertising showed up on my facebook page:

and really.. who doesn’t agree? It’s never about coming back from 20 points down in the fourth quarter that inspires fans.. it’s the inflatable tunnel.. every. single. time.

Even now, as I think of my favorite sports team, I can only picture them emerging from an inflatable tunnel.. it is the image burned into my memory.

I remember sitting in my office during a particularly chilly winter evening and thinking to myself.. “Self, don’t you just wish you had something soft, luxurious and unique to wear around your neck right now?”

And as we all know, everyone looks good in Alpaca..  EVERYONE.

Need more convicing of this?  Just look deep into my eyes.. and repeat after me “Meka Leka Hi, MekALPACA Ho”

This is one of my favorite recurring ads; the “Who Searched For You” ads.  On my page, these ads normally feature some attractive young woman who, I am rather certain, has not searched for me. Something like this:

Even though, if anyone is searching your name on the internet, the chances are this guy probably did. Either that or it was your parents who are still wondering why you haven’t friended them yet.

I’ve also been challenged regarding my IQ quite often.  Early on, the ads were rather basic, though apparently not designed by folks who scored very high on the test themselves, as evidenced by this ad FAIL:

I may not be smarter than the average Broncos fan.. then again.. I’m smart enought to know what “average” means.

So, after it was clear that I would not be lured in by the crazy math of the IQ testers, they must have decided to see if they could frighten me into taking their quiz by posting these:

Forget the IQ question,.. how about a question of taste: “WHAT THE CRAP?”

I am that guy who, in the middle of a conversation, will pause to correct your grammar.  This is counteracted by the fact that anytime I tweet something grammatically incorrect or misspelled, I get called on it.. nonetheless, this nugget caught my eye and I now bring to you…

.. and also, lest it go uncelebrated, Fewer English.

Targeted ads are one thing, but ad placement is another.  There’s nothing quite as good as seeing an ad placed in just the right location.. somewhere in context.. somewhere on a page where it is relevant to the rest of that page’s content.. and so.. I leave you with this:

I am hoping that you’ve seen them; These ads floating around  touting huge financial gain from “doing nothing.”  Most of the time the ads come equipped with pics of random dude (face obscured for some reason) in the proximity of a Ferrari or a Benz.  The suddenly-wealthy person who posted the ad does so with an interesting mix of enthusiasm for sharing this wonderful new product and a disdain for people… always a great combo for sales.

Now, while these “get rich quick “ads are nowhere near as prevalent on Facebook as they were previously, this sexy beast to the left showed up on my page recently and reminded me of just why, with the help of a friend, I put together my own scam..er.. scheme.

Interestingly, when I submitted the fake ad to Facebook .. I was denied on grounds that… “(Facebook) does not accept advertising referencing, facilitating or promoting…scams, pyramid schemes,…or ‘get rich quick’ and other money making opportunities that offer compensation for little or no investment…”

*blinks* ..aaaalright… well, then…

Now, if you’ve seen one of the actual ad pages (having been awake at 3am and decided to see what would happen if you did click on the ad, you’ll probably enjoy our spoof a touch more.  Nonetheless, even the scam-uninitiated will find some enjoyment in my version.  Here’s the link: http://www.justinmcroberts.com/money/

I am surrounded by cats.  I have been for years.  This is an enormous problem in that I cannot stand cats.  It’s not an allergy thing, though I do have some allergic reaction to cat dander.  It’s also not one of those “I’m a guy and cannot like small fuzzy things because it makes me look weak and also feel kinda warm inside” things.  I just get a bad vibe from cats.  Call it male intuition, but I really think they’re up to something as a species; something that is not good; something CATastrophic… He he hahaha.. ha.. ha,.. ahem.

Now, before you think this is all about me randomly selecting an animal at which to direct the anger pent up in me as an Oakland A’s fan, allow me to share a bit of my history…

While I was on Young Life staff, I lived in a basement with another YL staff guy.  It was not really a room.  It was a basement.  We had some stuff in it to sit on and places to put things which made it room-like; but you can create that same effect outdoors.  This was a basement.  The owner of the house who was renting this basement had two cats.  One of them named something cat-ish, like “Felix” or “Tabby” or “Get Behind Me Satan.”  This cat was alright insofar as he/she/it kept to itself upstairs and rarely if ever came near either my roommate or me.  The other cat… well…

…The other cat’s name was “BK,” or “Big Kitty” which is more of a description than a name and therefore a bit like naming one of your children “Daughter #2” or “The Short One…” but that’s beside the point.  The point is that a cat by any other name would still crap on my doorstep.

You see, BK would periodically enter our place and start snooping around; I am assuming he was scoping the joint to see how easily he could hide our bodies when his master plan came to fruition.  We’d shoo the cat out using the “phssst” noise; an act that always leaves a grown man feeling so good about himself.  At one point a guest in our place warned us that if we were not kinder to the cat, the cat would seek some kind of revenge.   She was right.  BK took to the regular practice of pooping in front of our entryway..  When I write that he did it regularly, I mean it was almost everyday.

(here I pause to point out one of the primary differences between cats and dogs.  When dogs have to poop, they simply think “I have to poop right now and would like to know where other dogs have pooped so that I can keep with tradition.”  Cats, on the other hand, when they have to poop, think to themselves “where can I put this that would cause maximum torment and frustration for those who stand in the way of my dastardly plan?”)

We went through several doormats before eliminating the doormat entirely, thinking we might throw BK off.  With the doormat gone, the poop onslaught ceased… or so we thought.  BK had not at all been daunted by our removal of the doormat.  He simply shifted the strategy of his offensive and began pooping in front of our bathroom door… (to be continued)