Yeah, yeah.. I know it’s easy to write off the “prosperity gospel” as an extreme.  But the importance of knowing just how distorted this brand of christianity is stems not only from our ability to write it off where it is concentrated.  For example.. in the places to which we’ve exported it at the great expense of peoples’ livelihood and development…

It is equally important to recognize the cancer in its smaller, sneakier forms.

Sure, the most of us don’t buy the notion that the Lord is going to “buy me a Cadillac” or what have you.. but the subtle battle of divine expectations is constant and heavy.  For many of us, the experience of a life “in Christ” has been something dramatically different than advertised: Our jobs still get pulled out from beneath our feet, our relationships are still compromised by the worst parts of our nature, our children still die from genetic disorders they were born with and suffer from for no fault of their own… the happenings and circumstances of our lives often remain much the same if not exactly the same in life “with God” as life “without Him” which can lead one to wonder just how much of a difference there is between the two.

NOTHING in all of scripture, much less the long, difficult history of God’s people in relationship with Him proposes that He removes from us these daily burdens.  In fact, among Joy, Gentleness, Peace and the lot, Longsuffering is listed as a fruit of God’s spirit in the lives of those who follow Jesus.

Furthermore, I might even suggest that while Joy and Peace are characteristics one would expect from a person indwelt with the heart of Jesus, Longsuffering is where the rubber meets the road.  When things are brutal.. when dreams and expectations fail… when God disappoints… do I still call God “good”?  When what is “good” to God seems “evil” to me; when God’s hand does not move to alleviate suffering and bring light where darkness has claimed preeminence.. can I submit my will to His and say “not my will, but yours.. not my idea of good but Yours; though it confounds and perplexes and even angers me… You are King and I will trust You despite myself.”

So, while I don’t always click with John Piper, I couldn’t agree more with him in this:

Beginning with Bertrand Russell’s essay “Why I Am Not A Christian,”  I have made a point to seek out the voices of those most vehemently anti-christian or anti-religious.  This is not because I want to ‘know my enemy.’  Instead, I read these works because I regularly find so much commonality with the men and women who write them.  Bertrand Russell’s essay challenged some of the foundational misunderstandings I had regarding the practice of my own faith.  His criticism was an instrument that freed me to see more clearly that there were things about “being a christian” that don’t really have anything to do with actually being a christian; and that, if ‘being a christian’ meant holding to those external things, then I must be something else.  I suppose it’s fair to say I see the work of God in and through these men and their work.  Their challenge chips away at what is very often superfluous in religion; a theme that runs through the album Deconstruction.

I really believe that atheism, agnosticism and deism are pieces in a conversation much larger than any one of those platforms of belief alone.  For this reason, I’m looking forward to seeing Collision.  From what I can tell from previews and whatnot, it seems to be a pretty well balanced (fair and balanced? lol.. hehe..  ahem…) take on this piece of that conversation:

http://www.collisionmovie.com/

Though this was posted May 7, it was written on the 6th…

Every year for the past 11 years, this day sneaks up on me and before I realize it, I’m in the middle of it.

On May 6th, 1998, my father ended his own life with a handgun and on may 6th each successive year I remember him a bit more distinctly than on other days.

…I remember him coaching soccer with a Darth-Vader mask on so we’d pay attention.
…I remember him dancing to Elvis without a shirt on.
…I remember him taking me out to go running for the first time.
…I remember he and I running for the last time.
…I remember how old he looked the last year of his life.. far older than he was.
…I remember that he and my mother danced really well together.
…I remember him reading.
…I remember him showing up at everything I did.
…I remember the first time I realized he’d be absent for everything from then on.

I don’t write a whole lot about this subject but it’s not because it is too painful.  Likewise, it’s not because “I’m over it” (whatever it is people mean when they say that).  I don’t bring it up very much because it’s simply become part of who I am, like graduating from college or getting married or attending my first rock show (REM, in case you wanted to know).  The darkness of that event and the shadow that stands in the place my father would normally take in my life are simply part of the landscape now.  Just like the frustration and confusion born in me due to the disappointment of my expectations of God and His goodness are part of my relationship with God.

I live in dichotomy, I live in tension.. and I’m learning that there is no “trick” to resolving or relieving this tension. In fact, it keeps me alive.

Brian Greene recently wrote an article in WIRED magazine about mystery.  He begins by positing the depression that would set in among the scientific community if, under extraordinary circumstances, everything got fixed/solved. He writes…

“Science is the journey.  Science is about immersing ourselves in piercing uncertainty while struggling with the deepest of mysteries. It is the ultimate adventure.”

(Of course, he then goes on to say that we are really just monkeys, that God is not real and that none of this matters because life is meaningless… because he is a scientist, and therefore, an enemy of Truth… right?)

Surely this is not only true of Science but true of life…  and true of Science because it is an examination of life… and surely if Science is driven by mystery and uncertainty, then our religion must be as well…

… and there I go.. going on… preaching to myself; fighting off the lingering grip of unreligious thinking that tells me I will be “whole” when I am unaffected by my history, free of doubt.  But my uncertainties are part of my faith; my history is part of my everyday; my sadness part of my joy; the darker shades of my person differentiate between the lighter shades and all of this is part  of what makes me ..

well..

..whole.  A whole person.  And that is something my father could not see about himself. Because those same unreligious thoughts had convinced him that his failures made him less than human; that only his successes made him worth something.  But he was more than the sum total of his wins and losses.. and because of the sickening emptiness his absence leaves in me, I now know that I am more than that.