This Sunday, thousands upon thousands of the sports illiterate and “sportarded” will find themselves in one of life’s most dire situations; to be at a Superbowl party hosted at your own house.  So, to the confused, the frustrated, the bored and those who couldn’t tell a fieldgoal from a field mouse, I present to you the “10 Things For Non-Football Fans To Do During The Superbowl Party At Your House.”

1.  Wear a Manchester United jersey and explain that foot+ball=soccer
2.  Intermittently read sections of “Twilight” aloud from the kitchen.
3.  See if you can ask every person in the room (individually and secretly) “Who’s winning?”
4.  Game idea: Every time the color analyst uses a word out of context, look that word up and read the actual definition aloud from the kitchen.
5.  Every time Arizona quarterback Kurt Warner does anything positive, remind the room that it’s because he’s a Christian.
6.  Every time the same Kurt Warner does anything negative, remind the room that God doesn’t care about football.
7. Game Idea: Keep a running tally of the number of times one of your friends watching the game says “C’MON!!”  At the end of the night award the person who uses the phrase most by taking a picture of him sadly slumped in a chair (chances are his team lost) and posting it online with the caption “C’MON!!”
8.  Every once in a while, when nobody is paying attention, rearrange the beverage cups on the table.
9.  Constantly insist that this is not the best HD image you’ve ever seen
10.  Twitter